Monday, November 23, 2009

My transition

The past week I have been reflecting on our move to Guam and how the transition is going. I know I have talked a lot about our move but I hope you understand how this move has rocked my world and therefore is the topic I am often consumed with and wish to discuss. I feel like so much as happened within this short period that has forever changed my life; my mom says I should write a book about my recent experiences because a large portion of them have been quite entertaining/ odd/ educational. When Jarrett and I got married and I made the 4 hour move to northern California, I soon became consumed with overwhelming sadness. It would be fair to say that I was probably experiencing a mild/ moderate depression. For the first three months at Travis I did not work, go to school, have a solid home church, or friends. My days were spent at home alone where I spent most of my time in front of the tv or sleeping. Those first 3 months culminated into probably the hardest time in my life thus far. The weeks leading up to our move to Guam, I became consumed with the fear that I would again experience what I had in those first 3 months at Travis. From the moment I walked off the plane in Guam, I became obsessed with getting busy, involved in things, finding a job, and friends. I think about it now and that probably wasn't the healthiest thing to do but for me I was in survival mode and nothing could stop me. Now that we are getting settled in, I am reflecting on how the Lord has truly blessed us with an easy transition. Maybe it's the fact that it's not the first time moving away from family, or that I have found a good job and have gotten involved in various activities. Or maybe it's the fact that i am just more mature. Whatever it may be, I feel blessed. I have experienced homesickness but that can only be expected. I have felt overwhelmed and sad at times but I believe that is only healthy and natural.

I feel proud of myself for putting myself out there and being bold. I found a job off base and have made friends with many locals which is something that a lot of military don't do here. I choose not to stick to the base because I have been so blessed by the culture and people here in Guam. It has been tough because of cultural differences but rewarding none the less. I have met senators, radio personalities, and other local figures due to my job and I don't believe that would have happened unless I had put myself out there.

But along with the wonderful things we have experienced, there has been a fair share of discouraging events. I have met people that didn't have my best interest in mind which has been a very hard lesson to learn, especially this week when I was faced with a painful and heartbreaking situation. We are also learning how to celebrate the holidays away from family and how to create our own traditions. This is fun but at the same time a sad thing to learn how to do especially if you are stubborn like me. And we are learning how to accept or at least respect cultural differences that we don't agree with or believe are "right."

Many times in the past few months my heart has felt heavy and I have prayed so many prayers asking the Lord to carry me through this trying period in my life. But also in the past few months I feel I have matured and grown in ways that would not have been possible if it wasn't for this move. I know without a doubt that I will look back on this time and smile no matter how many tears were shed. I'm thankful that I can see that now.


Mama Mote said...

I hear ya, Kate. And I love reading your blog and other blogs of 'kids' I know who have and are going through the same thing. Even this mom of grown kids can feel the same thing - homesickness, loneliness, depression. Moving from the place I grew up was easy the first time I did it. I think because we chose to do it and I KNEW we were coming back to SLO. But this move has been more difficult because it was forced and I may never get back to live in SLO. I'm thankful we can visit (sorry to make you envious), but it feels weird to come up here knowing we are leaving again. But when I think of being 'forced', I realized it was God's hand GUIDING us to a new place He planned for us. As hard as it is and has been, I'm stepping out, too. I'm so proud of you for doing that, but also sad you had to face some negatives along the way. But glad, again, that you are growing through those times. You have Jarrett and I have Dan. It helps to not be alone. love and hugs to you and Jarrett