Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Taking a leap of faith

I have never been one to take many chances. I like to stick to what I know and what I'm comfortable with. I think the most outrageous and shocking thing I've probably done was marry Jarrett at the ripe ol' age of 19. I don't like taking many chances because I have this incredibly deep fear of failure. The majority of people would say they fear failure too; who wouldn't? But to me, fears of failure often keep me from trying anything at all. Case in point:

I have had this deep love and passion for photography for 5 or 6 years now. Up until now, I have kept this passion hidden for the most part. See in my mind, if I don't even admit that I love photography, then no one will have expectations for my photographs and therefore I will avoid all criticism. But over the past couple years, the Lord has placed photography on my heart and in some not so subtle ways. I have avoided this topic for the most part, hoping maybe the Lord would somehow forget and point me towards something else; something not so personal and open to criticism. But alas, the Lord is a stubborn God too. On top of failure, I'm concerned how I can even support such an expensive passion. But I guess that's where faith comes into play.

Today a friend asked me if I took photographs because she needed a photographer. I politely said, "No, I just enjoy taking pictures for fun." Inside, my heart was screaming something entirely different. Later on at Bible study, I was given the opportunity to finally share my heart and my struggles regarding this issue, and to my surprise it was received with open arms. After less than 24 hours of deciding to open my heart to the idea of taking pictures of others, I managed to set up three different photography gigs. I'm scared/ nervous/ anxious out of my mind. So much so, my blood pressure has been sky high and I even managed to break out in hives. Lovely. Even though I have about a bajillion fears and questions, I'm really excited about this opportunity and hopeful future opportunities to come.

I'll keep you updated... :-)

I will leave you with a few of my recent photographs. Notice most of them are nature or architectural photographs because in my mind it is easier to take pictures of things that don't talk because then they can't judge the photo. I have a weird thought process.


Mama Mote said...

Very nice and very courageous of you to get out your desire. I look forward to seeing your photography. I like what you have here. That picture of Jarrett is cool. I'm thinking of things I might be able to do to maybe earn a little money. We'll see. It's not much...just crafts.