Thursday, September 24, 2009

I think I can, I think I can

Me and change are frienemies. Yes, I get some of my vocab words from "The Hills", don't judge. Part of me likes the idea of change. Seeing new places, meeting new people, trying new things. It all sounds nice, and most often, change creates some pretty awesome memories and experiences. But then part of me dreads change. A bigger part of me. I'm stubborn. Plain and simple. Always have been and probably always will be; I'm my father's child. Well you might be thinking, "Hey you sure picked the wrong lifestyle considering you don't like change." Well yes, I think I'm pretty crazy myself for joining the military lifestyle, not for marrying my wonderful husband. That of course was not a crazy decision. Him choosing to marry me well....he might be a little on the loony side. Anyways, if there is anything that I have figured out over the past few years is that the Lord has some specific lessons that He is desperately trying to teach me in this season of my life. The first being something that I already discussed in a previous post, which is letting go of my need to plan, plan, and then oh.. plan. The second lesson I believe the Lord is trying to teach me, is that it is important to step out of my comfort zone. Not just important, more like VITAL for me to step out of my comfort zone.

This is my comfort zone: a soy chai tea latte from Starbucks, only a bean and cheese burrito with guacamole INSIDE the burrito not on the side when eating at Mexican restaurants, being outdoors but usually not joining in on the more adventurous outdoorsy stuff such as hiking, jumping in random bodies of water that are neither an ocean nor a public swimming pool (give me a towel, some sunscreen, and a magazine and I'm one happy lady!) I don't like eating meat at restaurants I'm unsure of for fear of it being undercooked. i wash my hands incessantly and to the chagrin of others, mainly my husband, I often remind those around me to wash their hands too! I talk to my family almost every day, and I need to be able to call up my closest friends at any time and know they would head over to my house in a heartbeat whether it be because I need a simple girl chat, or a shoulder to cry on. And having Jarrett by my side pretty much ALL THE TIME. This is my comfort zone.

At church a couple weeks ago, the pastor asked for praises and prayer requests. I believe God was specifically speaking to me when a young man stood up and talked about being uncomfortable. He said, "God wants us to step out of our comfort zone. He wants us to be uncomfortable because it is in these times, that we reach for Him the most and in turn grow the most spiritually and personally." I feel like I have heard these very words before, but this time it was like the Lord had formed these words into the most beautiful acoustic song (my favorite), and they have stuck with me for the past few weeks. This move has made me soooo incredibly uncomfortable in every way imaginable. The first being the fact that we moved across the WORLD. Oh Lord, please be easy on me... please? No? Ok. I have lived out of a suitcase for almost two months ( we still are actually), a month of that time spent in a hotel room with mold on the ceiling and ants everywhere and no INTERNET (gasp). I had to find my way around this island by myself for the first week, went searching for a job and turned in resumes only to be turned down, went to a ladies dinner and Bible study by myself, jumped into a small water hole and let water from a waterfall rush over my head, hiked down a steep mountain with basically no trail and cut my legs all up in the process (that certainly was uncomfortable), and ordered tuna fish tacos from a Mexican restaurant instead of a bean and cheese burrito with guacamole. Hey, the Lord doesn't discriminate, He loves for me to grow in every aspect of my life, including the foods I eat! :-) And while a lot of this stuff is still uncomfortable, however big or small it may seem, I know I am growing slowwwwly but surely. Although, I do have to channel my inner Thomas the Train Engine from time to time "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can." Remember, I'm a stubborn one.


Mama Mote said...

You have comfort zones that you have to leave - even at my age. I was in SLO since I was 10, went to Grace Church since I was 16 and after 39 years there and working there for almost 13 years, I'm now living in Los Angeles. NOT MY CHOICE! But this is where Dan's job was now and we knew it was best to move (Liz, our daughter, was a big part of the decision since we would be closer to her). But, even I have been slowly figuring this place out, stepping out to a Bible Study group and finding a new church to attend. I know I was gone for 5 years before, but I think I KNEW I was going back to SLO, so it was a more easy transition. But this one, I have no clue where it will lead us. If we stay here or maybe move again. But, thankfully, God is there with us every step of the way and I know you will eventually make it home for the time being. I think it is harder in the military, but hopefully you'll be in one place for a good amount of time where you CAN have friends and a church you can be involved in. Love and miss you - hugs

Cousin Elena said...

Kate, I love your blog! You're such a strong girl and your words are so thoughtful and inspiring. What a huge challenge you have taken on but you handle it with such grace. I can relate to the stubborn, sometimes resistant to change personality trait you describe, it must run in the family! But there is beauty in the struggle too when we can come out the other side wiser and more appreciative. We are all thinking of you and love you. Keep writing! :)