The Journey God Chose For Me

This week I have been bombarded with so many mixed emotions. I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to feel. Am I supposed to not feel sad because that could be mistaken for being regretful? I feel jealous, envious, sad, left out. I don't want to feel that way. So I have been doing a lot of thinking, praying, talking it out with my husband. This week I have had to really face the fact that I'm not graduating college with the rest of my fellow class of 2006ers. The past few weeks when I have logged into my facebook account, and I'm sure it will be like this for the next few weeks, my heart hurts a little as I scroll through pictures of friends with their diplomas in hand. The words "One class to go!" or "Finished with college!" written repeatedly in numerous status boxes. I can't help but think "but that's supposed to be me too!"

But before I begin to sound like Debbie Downer, I have worked my thoughts out and this it what I think. I've never been one to follow the crowd and my life is certainly a testimony to that. I didn't think twice about deciding to get married when I was only just beginning my second year of college. Not once did I really consider waiting until after I graduated. That just wasn't really one of the options I would consider. I'm not sure why. Not once did I ever think maybe those people are right. The ones that told me I was seriously setting myself up for disaster by deciding to marry at the ripe age of 19. I just didn't think about those things. I just did. Did what I felt God was leading me to do. And it felt right. It still does.

But that single most defining decision I've made in my life certainly hasn't come without its share of struggles. School being one of the top ones. Four colleges later and I'm still not close to being done. Sometimes I feel like my wheels are just spinning. When will I see the light at the end of the tunnel? This journey to complete my degree may not seem like that big of a deal to some but it has become a huge deal to me because it is something that I have had to work tirelessly at to obtain. And so it has become that much more important to me. Maybe even verging on the side of obsessive. And I know I will appreciate that little piece of paper so much more when I finally get to hold it in my hands.

In the meantime, my educational journey has consisted more of experiences rather than textbooks. Finding my way around a confusing foreign land rather than sitting in a classroom. Learning what it really means to have no control over my life. This journey has really taught me more than any textbook, professor, or lab could ever teach me. So while I may feel sad for the time being, I feel more thankful than anything. Thankful that God has chosen me for this journey. And thankful that God placed Jarrett in my life so early on so that we could enjoy this journey together.

Cameron and Breonna

I had the opportunity to take some photos of some dear friends, Cameron and Breonna. Breonna has been in Guam visiting Cameron since February but unfortunately she is returning to the States tomorrow. I'm going to miss her bunches as we have gotten pretty close over the past few months. This was my first time taking some photos of a couple and I think they turned out alright. Obviously, I need a lot more practice but I'm pretty satisfied with the results of this first photoshoot. These two aren't hard on the eyes either so I'm sure that helped my case.

My Little Olive

When Jarrett got home yesterday, he sat me down and told me that he had received an unfortunate call that our dog Olive had been hit by a car. We adopted Olive from a human society about two weeks after we got married and she quickly became a part of our new little family. Olive was probably the biggest pest I have ever known but she was an even bigger lover. She slept in our bed with us, her head nuzzled against mine on the pillow. She would curl up in a little ball next to me, her head on my lap whenever I sat on the couch. She was overly protective but I didn't mind because she was my companion. When Jarrett and I first got married, I became extremely sad because I was alone all day in a new apartment in a city that I knew nothing about. Olive helped me get through that difficult time by constantly sticking by my side and giving me more puppy kisses than were necessary. When Jarrett and I got our orders to move to Guam, we struggled over what we were going to do with Olive. We didn't want her to have to suffer the long plane ride, we didn't want her to be quarantined for a long period of time (they don't have rabies in Guam), and we didn't know if where we were going to live would be a place she would be happy in. So we made the incredibly difficult decision to leave her with my family. And I'm so happy we made that decision. At my parent's house, Olive got to run around and be free. She had four people instead of two to love on her, and most importantly, she got cookies and treats. Enough treats to make her become a little chub chub. We will miss Olive greatly but I think she accomplished a lot in her short puppy life and it was time for her to go on to puppy heaven.

Life is a funny thing

Well Jarrett and I are settling in to the fact that he is no longer deploying this summer. For those who were not aware, Jarrett was tasked to deploy this summer with his squadron and I was planning on making the trek back to California for a few months. Well last week, Jarrett received word that the deployment is off. This news is frustrating because it's the third time Jarrett has been tasked to deploy only to be told he isn't going. But despite our frustrations, we are even more overjoyed that he is staying here in Guam with me! So now we moved forward and feel like we can actually really settle in to our home here in Guam. This is the first time that we will be able to settle into our life and home without anticipating a deployment or move. It's actually a strange feeling for me as I have felt afraid to get too attached to a place, home, or current way of living pretty much for our entire marriage. Jarrett and I don't know quite what to do with ourselves but feel excited that we can just be a normal married couple. That is until the Lord decides to spur something else on us! But until then, we will soak this time in.

And because blogs are always more entertaining with pictures, here are a few pictures from the past couple weeks.

Here is my man looking all buff!

Beautiful golden sunset.
Local cuisine. Throw the fish on the grill and serve as is!
Local fire dancer. He then proceeded to accidentally light his skirt on fire. Entertaining none the less.

Pictures

Here are a few of my recent photographs that I took for a photography class I am taking. The assignment was to capture the environment and welp, since I live on an island, most of my photos were of different beaches.

I'm home!

Well I have been home for a couple weeks now. I left Florida on a Friday and spent a wonderful weekend with my mom in San Francisco. I then drove back to Travis and planned to catch a flight that was going to Hickham, AFB in Hawaii and then on to Guam. By the grace of God I made it onto the flight to Hickham, and I mean it truly was a miracle. There were probably 100 people trying to get on the flight and only 10 seats. I was considered category 4 and they didn't even make it to category 3. But last minute, they opened up a few more seats and needed passengers who were traveling alone. And I was the only one in my category traveling alone! I made it onto the flight but found out just as we were about to land that they weren't going on to Guam until the following morning, if they were even going to go to Guam at all. Fortunately, I friend of mine in Hawaii found out I got onto the flight and met me at the terminal. I stayed with her for the night only to find out the next morning that the flight was canceled and the next flight to Guam wasn't until Wednesday (it was Sunday). Come Wednesday and the flight was canceled and the flight on Thursday was only carrying active duty passengers. So in the end, I ended up buying a commercial ticket to Guam. All in all, my trip was amazing and I got to see so many great friends and my mom. Most importantly, my time with Katie was priceless and I am happy to say that as of yesterday, Katie was released from the hospital after 51 long days! I wasn't able to take too many pictures but here a few from my trip. I'm not going to include any pictures of Katie because I don't think she would be comfortable with that (she really hated her feeding tube). But I did capture some great pictures of her getting her hair done in the ICU and the moment when I walked in the door of her room; I think she will appreciate those when she looks back on this really difficult time.

This is Natalie holding baby Anna. Natalie is one of my best friends from Travis and Anna is our friends Paul and Leigh Anne's new baby.
Me holding sweet baby Anna.
This is the beach in Waikiki. I tried to enjoy Hawaii as much as possible while I was "stuck" there.
Me and Leigh Anne.
I just so happened to arrive at Travis the weekend of Tate's 2nd birthday party. Tate is Paul and Leigh Anne's first born and probably my most favorite baby, well not so much a baby anymore, ever.

Last Minute Trip

If you would have asked me last week what I would be doing this week, I would have never guessed I would be in Florida. Yep, I'm in Florida. My friend Katie received her liver and kidney transplant exactly a month ago. Initially, the transplant appeared to be a huge success. Unfortunately, a few days after the transplant, Katie began to experience a tremendous amount of pain and has had about 10 procedures and numerous complications since then. Last Wednesday I spoke with Katie's parents and they informed me of everything that was going on. Everything that happened after that phone call was nothing less than a work of God. I knew in my heart that I had to come see her. Normally, I would worry about how i was going to afford to buy a ticket, or other meaningless worries, but for some reason, I felt a deep sense of peace that the Lord would work everything out and get me there if it was His will. I looked into catching a hop to Travis last Friday (unfortunately it was also Jarrett's birthday) and one blessing after another, I managed to catch a hop straight to Travis that afternoon. I stayed with my dear friend Natalie until I flew out to Florida on Monday. I'm here with Katie until Friday when I will fly back to California and then hopefully catch a hop back to Guam beginning on Sunday.

The only way that I can accurately describe Katie's situation now is that it is a rollercoaster. Instead of taking it one day at a time, we are literally taking it one minute at a time. Her liver is taking very well and her kidney is beginning to wake up. We pray that there will be no more complications so that she can move out of the ICU and not have to deal with so many people poking at her and walking in and out of her room. Fortunately, her sense of humor has managed to pop out in moments when we least expect it which always brings a smile to everyone's face. Despite the struggles and the hardships Katie and her family have had to endure, the Lord has been so present in everything. Whether it's her nurses, the good news that brightens the day, a simple song on the radio, or the fact that she was reading her Bible when she got the phone call about the donor, it is so evident that the Lord is working. Please pray for Katie and that her health would progress. Particular prayer requests would be that she would be able to move out of the ICU onto the regular floor and that her anxiety and pain would decrease. I heard this song on the radio as I was driving back to Katie's house and the lyrics really spoke to me so much that tears began to roll down my face because I'm so faithful that the Lord will see Katie through this desert.